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Friday, November 09, 2007

Doctor, the clock ain't stop clicking...

In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Assalamualaikum..


It took me, like, nearly half a day to summarize the whole thought lingering in mind - the do's and don't's, plus the shoulds and shouldn'ts. Of what the input should be, and how the output might seem.

I'm a 4th year student, and at my place, many regard it as the so-called 'honeymoon' year. Not that we could wiggle our toes 24/7, but perhaps because - well, compared to 3rd year, the schedule is like 5 times less hectic. And some students might as well get over the bridge. Literally saying, they'd just take it for granted.

'course, I'm one of those who, alike the others, would love to 'cherish' the beautiful moment. Married couples would be endlessly persuading the juniors, "kalau nak kahwin, kahwinla time 4th year. Meeemangg sangat honeymoonnn".. which is irrefutably true. One married couple is currently in my group - and yeah, nothing can be happier than seeing them being happy =)

Then again, you've still got the remaining years. Sebelum housemanship pun boleh lagi. Kan kan kan?

But that isn't the main issue.

Time is precious. Masa itu emas. Juga umpama pisau..andai kita tak dahului masa, ia akan memotong kita.

Some cycles in 4th year are so light, you can even sulk your eyes by watching movies non-stop. You could just simply do that.

But, it just doesn't feel right.


When I was 11, I nearly got whipped by dad for not being able to answer some mathematics problem. Cried terribly at that moment. It was 11pm at night, and an exam awaited me the following day. I could barely watch tv - let alone my all night fave series. Dad taught me to respect time. He taught me to stay up, to set my priorities right.

If dad saw the current me watching movies per se a quarter of the day, I bet he'd be upset. But, thing is, he isn't with me. And he couldn't see.

But Allah could. He sees me every time, everywhere, and He knows my exact doings. Won't He be sad if I did the supposed-not? Allah did not give us 24 hours for nothing. Which is precisely why, when drifted, I'd remind myself - you should be revising, kiddo.

Alhamdulillah, I'm already in my clinical years. At some times, in the past, I would have second thoughts of quitting med school and teach English to school kids. Mesti comel kan. Kih kih kih =P.

But, I don't think that could, would, or should happen at the present. It's just way late.

Sometimes I would have awful thoughts and pictures of how my life would presumably be in the future. Shadows of doubts that you'd just love to cast (speaking 'debate-term'-ly).

Back in high school, I always wished that my life would be of like mum's. Get her 'single' marital status altered into 'married' by the age of 22. But, I guess it might not fit me well. Mum and dad won't let me get hitched before med school ends. Huhuhu. Takpela, saya redha. They know me well, and know what's best. Mesti ada hikmah kan.

Then again, I'd be picturing myself getting the title before HOship starts. Lepas tu ke hulu ke hilir menjawab on-call dengan perut yang boroi, berbadan dua. Berpakainan 'maternal clothing' (did I ever tell you that at outfit stores, I always end up getting hooked at some maternal dress? Kadang2 bila di kaunter bayaran baru tersedar..huhu). Mesti comel kan. Hehehe ;P


If all goes smooth sailing, I'd get the 'Dr' initial ahead of my name in 2 and a half years. Yup. Which also signals the beginning of HOship. And the though of it really terrifies me. It's at this moment when you'd be pressurized to the fullest. Sometimes, I wonder if I could even be a doctor. As in, like, leave home and kids for more than half a day, abandon all the holidays you've been craving for.

My aunt, a Masters graduate, rejected countless of accountant job offers, most of which required late night returns. Said that none of them suited her timetable, and that nothing is more important than being at the side of her kids, watching them grow, whats more at the critical stage of a kid's age when identity-seeking is the major agenda. If you learn by heart, and not define knowledge by money, you'd see why I made the decision, she says. On the other hand, my neighbour's mum, an Associate Professor, left the highly-profited job to take care of her 10 children.


Which makes me think - am I gonna be able to be that, a good mum and wife, as my mum?

When I filled in the JPA form years back, i scribbled pharmacy as the course of choice. Dad saw the former, and - well, he didn't frown, but the smile he gave wasn't his usual smile. Said that he'd wished to be a doctor ever since, but didn't excel biology well enough, and would love nothing more than to see her first daughter accomplish that dream. Dad also proposed the option of lecturing medical students - something substitutable if ever i felt like laying off my hands from patients for a period of time.

Well abah, I'm on my way half through.

If ever anything happens, I'd put my family first ahead =)


ps: This article makes a good tip-off. Suggest you guys read it.
[Saifulislam: Kenapa Mahu Jadi Doctor?]

pps: Ayah saya tak garang, tapi tegas, lebih-lebih lagi dalam hal kerjaya dan keluarga. Dan dia seorang yang penyayang dan sangatttttlaa humorous...jadi janganlaa takut yee..hehehe :P

pps: Kawan-kawan jangan lupe, apa-apapun kita buat, niat utama ialah lillahi Ta'ala. Dia yang Maha Berkehendak, Maha Menentukan, dan ape terjadi sekalipun, pasti ada hikmahnya...arasso? =)

17 comments:

hiyoshi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hiyoshi said...

At long last, an honest-to-goodness entry which oozes with the internal thoughts of a lady.

I tell you Sarah, never has my mind ever come around to thinking about even a quarter of the things which you have written about in your entry - which most probably explains why I'm in the state that I am.

(Coincidentally, there is a medical term for the condition. It's called 'Status Patheticus")

Anyway, I'm sure you'll sail past both events in a very elegant manner. Just don't forget to invite me when the big day comes *ehem*

sarahss said...

hiyoshi

ngehehe~never thought i'd be that frank (virtually) either. then again, it's one of the fave hot topics med studs would commonly encounter..right? the thing has long been lingering - but the guts weren't there, yet.

just hope that it'd be a boon to be pondered by everyone :)

pycnogenol said...

It was already 11 pm and you were only 11 then. And you nearly got whipped, when he should be reading you bedtime stories or singing you to sleep. If you were to write to the local papers today, they would accuse your dad of child abuse.

But look at you now Sarah. It was because of all those disciplining of yesteryears that has resulted in this blooming fine, young, responsible lady!

I agree with Hiyoshi that this is a fine piece of an honest-to-goodness entry. If your dad gets to read this, I'm not surprised if tears welled up in his eyes and beaming with joy, all proud of his daughter.

As a father myself, let me tell you...I'm sure your dad will not mind to know/see you watching movies a quarter of the day, now. He knows that he can trust you to make the wisest of decisions. You're a grown up and responsible lady who knows, and will make the right decisions, having given deep thoughts before deciding what to do, especially something that's going to change and affect your life FOREVER!

Having said all that, it would still be nice to talk to your parents, kan?

I'm SURE behind that 'garang and tegas' look, your dad has a heart of gold. ;)

P/S - The comment above is written with my own daughter in mind... ;) I hope my Kak Baby will always be able to come and talk to me on anything at all!!

sarahss said...

pycnogenol

huhu a very honest comment from your daughter and you too. i guess sometimes words are better expressed in text rather than verbally. well, my dad isn't an occasional reader of my blog, but if he does so read this entry, i hope he gets the big idea of it. hehe. then again i'm still that li'l gurl who's still struggling hard for the best in ukhrawi wa duniawi. Erm..did you mean i should ask my dad about the hitch thingie?hehehe..*wink*wink*

ps:send my salam to your dearest daughter too.. ;)

zarifah said...

woww...that's very brave of u..expressing ur thoughts of everything...that's y u jadi doktor!!! just one thing i want to suggest...dont worry of what u are going to face in future, there will be a lot of options/choices, it's just the matter of choosing the best one lah! (i'm sure you'll do)

hiyoshi said...

*Ehem*Ehem* Someone seems to be in kawen mode *Ehem*

sarahss said...

makcik..waaaa..i never thought that you'd read my blog..huhu. Then again, i reckon you know where that quote came from, right? your words were worth glitters of a diamond ;) 'course am doing my best and struggling hard :)

doakan sarah =)

sarahss said...

jamil

*ehem*ehem*someone seems to be in 'soulmate-seeking' mode. ngehehe. need i lend some help? =P

btw, i'm serious. text me. aaha.

kawan lame said...

**But Allah could. He sees me every time, everywhere, and He knows my exact doings. Won't He be sad if I did the supposed-not? Allah did not give us 24 hours for nothing. Which is precisely why, when drifted, I'd remind myself - you should be revising, kiddo.**

erkk, read this in my 'malas sgt2' time. really need this as my catalyst to increase the spirit of studying.. hehe
curik ye ayat2 di atas.. tq =D

chayok Dr. Sarah!

*nk kawen nnt jgn lupe antar kad jmputan ye.. =p

sarahss said...

kawan lame (tgh pk sape nie ye..?huhu)

ngeh2..tu peringatan untuk diri sniri yg kdg2 drifted jugak..(macam slalu je =P)

chayok untuk cik juge!!

*uish..bilakah itu mungkin?*_*

hehe =D insyaAllah..

kawan lame said...

erkk.. lupe lak nk knal kan..
janatun ni.. xtau la sarah knal lg ke x.satu klas time 2Budi kat SRK Seri Serdang.. tp sarah pon xlame kan kat skola tu kan? Janna pon dh pndah time drjah 3.
skang kat germany..free2 byk tu meh la dtg sini.. =)
k, do keep in touch ya..
sronok bce blog sarah ni.. =D
check out mine y bru brjinak2 ngan blog ni..tp xtau sgt pe nk tulis.. hehe =p

http://janatunaliyah.multiply.com/

MA said...

i didnt knoe u wanna be a pharmacist!!

hiyoshi said...

sarah - I could give you a comeback line, but that would make me sound defensive hahaha. *drops to the floor*

Eh, what do you mean 'text me'?

p.s. Notice how when it comes to these things, people are quick to comment?

sarahss said...

jan

laa..jan kee..mstila igt..hehe. sarah insyaAllah winter nie pi italy ngn spain, x pi germany kt..huhu.tp pnjg umur kte jmpe ye =)

sarah tgh sbuk nk exam nie..doakn tauu...

MA

i did tell u laaa..wanna swap places??*wink*wink*

hiyoshi

defensive? ngehe~
erm text me as in msg me..juz kiddin =P

ps:ahaa..well u see how the interest flows nowadays..

lifeinside said...

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh if i can turn back time how i wish i did not take this course!!!

sarahss said...

lifeinside

If pintu sukahati doraemon existed, i'd do the same thing too, perhaps. But we're in this position now, and there's not much that can be done, right? Chaiyyyokkk ganbatte!!!He didn't put us in this state for nothing; it's because we were selected; besides, you did long for that RM 124mil bungalow, and will all the hassles of struggling for that dr title, you're already halfway through dah pun, kan kan :)