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Friday, November 09, 2007

Doctor, the clock ain't stop clicking...

In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


It took me, like, nearly half a day to summarize the whole thought lingering in mind - the do's and don't's, plus the shoulds and shouldn'ts. Of what the input should be, and how the output might seem.

I'm a 4th year student, and at my place, many regard it as the so-called 'honeymoon' year. Not that we could wiggle our toes 24/7, but perhaps because - well, compared to 3rd year, the schedule is like 5 times less hectic. And some students might as well get over the bridge. Literally saying, they'd just take it for granted.

'course, I'm one of those who, alike the others, would love to 'cherish' the beautiful moment. Married couples would be endlessly persuading the juniors, "kalau nak kahwin, kahwinla time 4th year. Meeemangg sangat honeymoonnn".. which is irrefutably true. One married couple is currently in my group - and yeah, nothing can be happier than seeing them being happy =)

Then again, you've still got the remaining years. Sebelum housemanship pun boleh lagi. Kan kan kan?

But that isn't the main issue.

Time is precious. Masa itu emas. Juga umpama pisau..andai kita tak dahului masa, ia akan memotong kita.

Some cycles in 4th year are so light, you can even sulk your eyes by watching movies non-stop. You could just simply do that.

But, it just doesn't feel right.

When I was 11, I nearly got whipped by dad for not being able to answer some mathematics problem. Cried terribly at that moment. It was 11pm at night, and an exam awaited me the following day. I could barely watch tv - let alone my all night fave series. Dad taught me to respect time. He taught me to stay up, to set my priorities right.

If dad saw the current me watching movies per se a quarter of the day, I bet he'd be upset. But, thing is, he isn't with me. And he couldn't see.

But Allah could. He sees me every time, everywhere, and He knows my exact doings. Won't He be sad if I did the supposed-not? Allah did not give us 24 hours for nothing. Which is precisely why, when drifted, I'd remind myself - you should be revising, kiddo.

Alhamdulillah, I'm already in my clinical years. At some times, in the past, I would have second thoughts of quitting med school and teach English to school kids. Mesti comel kan. Kih kih kih =P.

But, I don't think that could, would, or should happen at the present. It's just way late.

Sometimes I would have awful thoughts and pictures of how my life would presumably be in the future. Shadows of doubts that you'd just love to cast (speaking 'debate-term'-ly).

Back in high school, I always wished that my life would be of like mum's. Get her 'single' marital status altered into 'married' by the age of 22. But, I guess it might not fit me well. Mum and dad won't let me get hitched before med school ends. Huhuhu. Takpela, saya redha. They know me well, and know what's best. Mesti ada hikmah kan.

Then again, I'd be picturing myself getting the title before HOship starts. Lepas tu ke hulu ke hilir menjawab on-call dengan perut yang boroi, berbadan dua. Berpakainan 'maternal clothing' (did I ever tell you that at outfit stores, I always end up getting hooked at some maternal dress? Kadang2 bila di kaunter bayaran baru tersedar..huhu). Mesti comel kan. Hehehe ;P

If all goes smooth sailing, I'd get the 'Dr' initial ahead of my name in 2 and a half years. Yup. Which also signals the beginning of HOship. And the though of it really terrifies me. It's at this moment when you'd be pressurized to the fullest. Sometimes, I wonder if I could even be a doctor. As in, like, leave home and kids for more than half a day, abandon all the holidays you've been craving for.

My aunt, a Masters graduate, rejected countless of accountant job offers, most of which required late night returns. Said that none of them suited her timetable, and that nothing is more important than being at the side of her kids, watching them grow, whats more at the critical stage of a kid's age when identity-seeking is the major agenda. If you learn by heart, and not define knowledge by money, you'd see why I made the decision, she says. On the other hand, my neighbour's mum, an Associate Professor, left the highly-profited job to take care of her 10 children.

Which makes me think - am I gonna be able to be that, a good mum and wife, as my mum?

When I filled in the JPA form years back, i scribbled pharmacy as the course of choice. Dad saw the former, and - well, he didn't frown, but the smile he gave wasn't his usual smile. Said that he'd wished to be a doctor ever since, but didn't excel biology well enough, and would love nothing more than to see her first daughter accomplish that dream. Dad also proposed the option of lecturing medical students - something substitutable if ever i felt like laying off my hands from patients for a period of time.

Well abah, I'm on my way half through.

If ever anything happens, I'd put my family first ahead =)

ps: This article makes a good tip-off. Suggest you guys read it.
[Saifulislam: Kenapa Mahu Jadi Doctor?]

pps: Ayah saya tak garang, tapi tegas, lebih-lebih lagi dalam hal kerjaya dan keluarga. Dan dia seorang yang penyayang dan sangatttttlaa humorous...jadi janganlaa takut yee..hehehe :P

pps: Kawan-kawan jangan lupe, apa-apapun kita buat, niat utama ialah lillahi Ta'ala. Dia yang Maha Berkehendak, Maha Menentukan, dan ape terjadi sekalipun, pasti ada hikmahnya...arasso? =)